Finally cool down a bit. Bro still playing PS2 in my room and i cant sleep yet. This upset feeling keeps haunting me, not about the issue just now but duno why. In the state of feeling like crying but i just wont tear. Seeing my friend on his track to his dreams, im happy yet jealous. So paiseh to let him thought that im ready to turn up tomorrow. Fulltime 1.1k, would be taking my time away and i know once i reached home i wouldnt flip thru the papers cos would be tired. Having income is good but sticking with that job is no good. Better than slacking at home but once start i know wouldnt be easy for me to scout for others. Indecisive is me. Tomorrow i will finish scouting the thick stack of sat's recruit. Alternatives like finding may, steph, cindy for help pop into my head. I havent finish scouting, wo bu gan xin just get that little amount of money that would end up with no savings. Minus cpf, return cpf, in case of family financial downtime i gotta help them, my bills and my expenditure, my degree. I've been thinking, searching, planning my route. Im not going to become those earn and spend every cent. Without dreams & without passion=no motivation, no drive, no direction. My life is ruined at this point of time. Sometimes i feel a hug would make me feel better and gives me the motivation to fight on. I got a chance back then when she hook her arms on my neck but i didnt. Im not the touchy kind and will maintain a distance from girls. There are times when im stressed, i would just keep quiet and hug my gf. Somethings guys just cant say it out loud, put it into words even though they are stressed cos we are guys. Have to swallow tears and sadness (i remember the book "Joy Luck Club") for pride's sake, for ego sake. Finally can sleep liao. I want 1.5k or else i go part time.