Dreamt of her again and i thought the dreams had stopped. Couldnt sleep after that. Its 6am now. Cant deny that i do miss her. She was so close to me in my dreams. Perhaps im really disturbed by her msn display message. Maybe someone already has begun to woo her already. Maybe she has interest in that particular guy. Maybe whenever i miss her, shes missing another guy. Maybe all the sweet talk on possibilities of patching up was just to ward me off. Maybe it has already ended long ago on her side but im still carrying the least hope. You touched me deeply with your character, the way you used to be. I cant describe but i do feel blissful when we were together. I felt the difference long ago and i thought actions speaks louder than words. I tried to changed for the better to suit her. There are moments that i thought she realised and reciprocate. During the last project, i thought we had closened up the gap. I was more than happy. I finally thought all the torments during the weekends turn out favourably good. On my side, im a downright faithful guy. During polydays i admit i did fall for someone else. But i never did take a step further. I know im attached and she treats me well. I cant be a jerk. Being attached and going out with female friends is just not right as maybe misleading to the partner. Ya lotsa controversy and contradictions. "Trust is the key", apparently it doesnt work. Im naive, i trust, im guillible, devoted whatever fcuk shit (taking a deep breath...)

Agencies no lobangs for me. Friends prototyping lobang can be only confirm on friday. Im feeling umcomfortable. I think people just find me useless slacking around at home and i do feel so ashame. Hope i can find something good in the papers today.