Lied down at 4am. Couldnt sleep. Lotsa things running in my mind. I pictured myself jumping off the building. It actually scares me that i had the thought. I quickly divert my attention to PS2. Slept at 5:30am, thats not the end. I dreamt of her again. I dreamt of her coming back home with another guy. They were in my room looking at photo albums. I asked her to get the fcuking guy out of my house. She did not and she says she want him to stay. Hatred and anger was accumulating...when i was about to wallop that guy, my alarm rang. Great, im out of nightmare. In fact i've stopped dreaming about her until recently i met her again. Perhaps its was due to yesterday while i was packing my cabinet i read the letters she wrote to me... The dream was to tell me how different she is from the one who wrote me the letters.

I can see her change now but as long as that joanna is around her. She would revert back any moment. I never did say joan is a screwed up friend but theres just something wrong with her "MORALS". Friends are influential. Especially to girls yet they bite their teeth and deny the fact. Do you actually know why i had been stopping you from seeing her since when you are in lasalle? I knew you well. I knew you were easily influenced by friends. She is one that would lead you astray. Its true that since awaiting for my enlistment into ns. I knew i couldnt keep her by my side. I told jason to helped me take care of her when im not around. It was meant to keep her away from the whateava. She doesnt know. Til she knows joan, she never pop in jasons house anymore. It became joans house. I knew i lost the place to joan...when we argued over it.

"You had secured my heart well that no way you can take it back"
"You are special to me thats why it is hard to break off"
Ironic...

Scrape that away...
However I managed to stopped playing maple at 4am. Gotta pull myself out of it. I knew im addicted. Though not so serious as gabriel lolx. All the signs and symptoms...realised im suffering from depression. Im stressed when my mum question me that did i look at the newspapers. I did. No admin, NO ADMINNNN i fcuking hate that category of jobs.
Keong gave me the number for another freelance. Too bad i cant call out and i forgotten all about it. The person lied. He claimed that he called me couple of times and it was engaged. If you dont need another employee just say so, dont lie, DONT FREAKING LIE. It just show how untrustworthy you are. One reason i dont work for welson as well. Somehow lookin at it i knew i would had problems in the future getting my salary from him.

Here i am looking at jobsdb and typing this blog entry. Had been skipping lunch and it has become normal. Answer to why i did an online blog.

Convenience.
I dont like family members catching me writing a diary.
I dont want them to read my diary. They dont online so its safe here.
I dislike my handwriting. Halfway through i would end up rewritting and forget what im about to write next.
I update without thinking whether theres anyone out there reading this piece of junk. I wont mind my language and change the way i think, what im gona write to suit readers.
So does that satisfy you SJ? :X I got more reasons underneath my sleeves. No link eh? lolx

Frankly speaking, i missed the NS days though it was screwed up. Sharing almost "on the line"
r\s problems with Fahmi and pooling away and "tehing" away. Care for some lump nuah teh?? lolx. Prophecy of Bobby...lump nuah teh. Income was steady and everything was fine except for that botak. Fahmi's wife now i realise is a rare gem amongst the rocks. Do you realise it fah mei?I envy him haha. Hais back to myself...im not happy thats all viola~